My Psalm

My teeth are bleeding, my fingernails fall away
Why must you chastise me, why must you show disdain
I don’t fucking owe you, I don’t fucking know you
Yet you continue to inflict such great pain
Deep within my mindset, far beyond what is real
The catechism which is my life fails to heal
The tree upon which I’ve been placed
Has continued to grow, overshadowing my sinful face
Pray for me, cast on me your Nebuchadnezzar
I am guilty of imagery, I have sinned against mankind
I have huddled myself into the hollow
Into a place where no man should find
I will hide here until it is over
I will hide here until you have past
Then I will bear my soul to all the world
And begin my life at last.

One Last Plea

I’m broken inside, so many neurotic tendencies
I look left and I look right, distracted by inconsistency
My mind flickers twice more and my heart takes three deep breaths
I close my eyes and swallow deep within my chest
It’s the faint sounds you make when you think no one is watching
That give away your thoughts, and make you seem alive
But I know, that you cannot function normally
And that you are empty and hollow inside
I hate the sight of you, you make my stomach turn
You intentions all shine through, it’s about time you learn
That you gotta get over it, you must move on
I can’t let you drag me down; I’d much rather live life alone.

What If (2)

I’ve sat here before, much like I’m sitting here tonight.
No real understanding of how all this became,
But from somewhere I have this feeling
That without you little would be the same
Never close enough to touch
Yet always within arms reach
Separated, we learned life’s lessons together
Oblivious to say the least.

Refresh your Spirit

Typically it is not my style to write on silly things such as positivity, but the last year of my life has really shown me a lot about reality. In the wake of all the political, economic, and especially moral turmoil that America and the greater world has been facing for the last 8 or 10 years, it seems we’ve become a nation of bickering pessimists. Somehow our attitudes have become so self oriented that we no longer consider, let alone support our fellow man. America has become a land devoid of values and sensible traditions. What ever happened to the days of personal responsibility and compassion for one another?
We need to make a change. Do we really enjoy living our lives on edge, not trusting our peers? I personally don’t think that’s what most people really want. What if we took a stand? What if we made a point to be a good example in our daily life?
With all of the indifference in our nation and around the world today, how much of a positive difference could we make simply by taking the time to be congenial to those with whom we come into contact? For example, when you head to work and traffic sucks, breathe, relax and let the guy next to you merge, even though he rushed to try and pass you when there wasn’t enough room.
Now I’m not the most religious person, nor am I anyone to preach to another. However, I’ve found that in times of trial I can often find solace in the wisdom of the Bible. In Romans 12:10, 17 the apostle Paul said, “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another…repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.” I of all people know how hard it is to resist being judgmental, but is that really our role in this life? It seems contradictory to me that we carry such a sense of individuality, with an aura that touts “who can judge my actions; I have free will and can do what I wish.” Yet consider how many times a day we pass judgment on those around us. What if we simply took that effort and smiled at those we passed, or waved that guy on over in traffic?
We are in a very difficult time. As Americans, we are facing economic recession, environmental degradation, a severe lack of personal responsibility, and let’s not forget that seemingly the rest of the world despises us. On a daily basis Americans are demanding more contribution from others, in particular, government. Then we complain about our government’s decisions; public healthcare, abortion laws, homosexual marriage just to name a few. It is common sense that when you indebt yourself to another party, you also subjugate yourself to their influence.
It is time we take this nation back. It is time we return to the common values that made this land great. Have compassion for one another and always strive to be a positive example. Take one day at a time and invest in your fellow man. Remember one day you will need the help of others-if for nothing else, at least to carry your casket.

What If (1)

How do you love someone who doesn’t love you back?
How do you break through a heart
The love that has festered for far too long
Those eyes that tell you don’t belong.
Years and years spent in thought
Figuring you were gone forever
Thinking life’s dynamic had changed in entirety
And yet, you are always near,
As a shadow amid the stones of my life’s walk.

Brown or Black-Commit to One

This past Sunday was Mothers’ Day and for such an occasion often people bring out their Sunday-go-to-meeting best’s. If you’re not southern enough to know what I’m talking about, basically I’m being sarcastic about folks that typically don’t dress up-dressing way up. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all about looking nice and so on. But there is one fashion issue I want to vent about and it’s the brown or black issue. I will say this is just my opinion and no matter how wrong you are, I encourage everyone to think for themselves, or at least try-we play the hand we’re dealt right?
Ok, the brown and black debate is most commonly raised in reference to shoes and belts. If you are wearing a belt, it should match your shoes. Your shoes and belt; and other accessories for that matter, should compliment your choice of attire. The use of “match” and “compliment” is intentional. Think of it like your accessories are the opening act which should work together to support and present the main event which would be the outfit. Many shades of many colors can be complimentary to many others colors-and this is open to your personal taste and interpretation. But think of the belt as a connector for your top and bottom. The belt should separate the two pieces and should be a color that compliments the attire and your shoes should compliment and finish your outfit in both color and shape/size-bulky ass shoes and skinny pants do not look good, I don’t care which rapper does it. Black accessories work with most colors, including brown clothes-but not brown shoes. Brown accessories compliment darker, more neutral or organic tones, i.e. dark greens, oranges, tan, and blues etc... Also let me take the time to say that I personally feel if your bottoms have belt loops you should wear a belt-but that’s me. But I feel the belt is NOT optional if the bottoms have belt loops and the top is tucked in-you should never see belt loops without a belt.
Having said all of this, the same rules should apply to other accessories like watches, bracelets, prominent necklaces, and hats.
And while I’m thinking about it, some other things to avoid; sandals with socks, boots with fur, skinny jeans, sagging, spandex (which you should have to audition to buy,) rubber bands on pant legs, house shoes in public, and face tattoos just to name a few.

MySpace Sucks, Facebook Rules

So, I’m at home on a Friday night, sober, and have little interest in tooling the town in search of entertainment or companionship. Perhaps it’s that little epiphany that has gotten me thinking about the fact that I’m getting old. I know there are people out there older so on and so on, my point is I’m starting to move into the old crowd. To illustrate my point, at times I’ll make the comment “I’m getting old.”
Then one of my friend's older than me will say...” Hmmph, you don’t even know what old is. You’re half my age.”
Yet here I am hanging out with your old ass. Seriously, I didn’t think I’d see the day when my dad has more Facebook friends than me. Now don’t think I’m ranting on, I’m ranting in jest, but the reality of the matter is interestingly humorous. I can remember when Facebook first came out, and you had to be a college student. Only certain universities were online with it, and it was very exclusive for those uninterested in the online orgy that is MySpace.
An interesting side note, spell-check recognizes MySpace, but not Facebook-wtf Microsoft?!?
Secondly, with regard to the age gap, I’m noticing that at my stage in life there tend to be two types of people; those who have moved on from adolescence and those who haven’t. It’s important to mention that this spirit tends to revive itself somewhere in the mid forties to mid fifties and by spirit; I mean the drive to get way too fucked up and make public spectacles of one’s self-not that I’m here to judge.
Okay, so why the hell am I writing all of this, we all get older right? Well no, some die early-some die way too early. But on the flip side, some live way too long-like old people who are on oxygen and smoke. How is this legal? I used to work in a certain buffet restaurant and just such a sweet old, life threatening lady would chose to dine there each Saturday afternoon. So I’m making $7 an hour thinking, I don't even have dental insurance, yet I feel like I need bomb squad gear to change out the mashed potatoes. I get harassed for texting at a gas pump, but live past 112 years old and it’s okay to wheel around as a human bomb.
Maybe you get more adventurous as you get older, like, “Aww Fuck it, if you’re not in the fast lane, you might as well get out of the way.” Eventually we’ll see al-Qaeda recruiting seniors and you won’t be able to get a rascal on a plane anywhere. Although, why is it seniors don’t take that adventurous spirit with them in the driver’s seat? We’ve all been there, you’re cruising through town 10 above the limit, la-de-da, windows down, Metallica rocking out on the radio and then you come up on a 1973 Buick doing 7 mph. Is it just me or is it every time you come up on a slow moving car in the left lane and you are ready to move over, a car is always next to you? Seriously, I'll be driving down the center lane, weaving like a sorority girl after a jagerbomb contest-no one in sight. The second I need to get over the fucking invisible man is there in a grand am. I secretly think old ladies are seeking people out and setting up insurance claims. I think this guy is clueless, turns out he's Evelyn's wing man.
But just once I’d love to be in the right lane, obeying the law-seat belt on, listening to talk radio and get blown by. And when I get to the next stop light, pissed off, ready to flip the perfect bird I have been practicing since grade school-and it’s a blue hair doing lines off the console and head banging to Poison.

Fascism Reemerging 2009

So a hot topic right now is the comments made by Carrie Prejean, Miss California, during the 2009 Miss USA pageant. In case you are unaware, during the Q&A portion of the pageant, Miss Prejean was unfortunate enough to draw a question from Perez Hilton. Let me take a moment to ask why would Hilton even be involved in the pageant, he has no style or class, and even less interest in women. The reason is Donald Trump and his personal financial mess. Trump is only interested in controversy which leads to ratings, and he got just that by adding Perez Hilton to the judging panel.

Regardless, Hilton’s question was;” Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?"

Prejean’s answer was, "Well I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one way or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. You know what, in my country, in my family, I do believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offence to anybody out there. But that’s how I was raised and I believe that it should be between a man and a woman. Thank you."

This has obviously been a hot topic this far, but I believe the bigger issue here is the impression it creates. Why is it no longer acceptable to disagree with something? Miss California was very respectful, and in no way judgmental. She was asked her opinion. I like, Miss California, and obviously the majority of Americans, do not agree with homosexuality or the marriage of gay couples. If most Americans agree with gay marriage as Hilton claims, why have only four states made it legal?

Within those that disagree you will find varying degrees of opinions, much like among those who support homosexuality. Simply because someone disagrees does not mean they look down or hate anyone. But hatefulness is how the pro-gay community responds when someone opposes it. Since when are we not allowed to have our own values and thoughts? Civil, respectful disagreement is what made this country great.

How Much Do You Have to Spend to Get Change?

4-20-09

On April 15, hundreds of thousands of Americans took to the cities and formed upwards of 700 anti-spending protests. In reverence to the Boston Tea Party of 1773, these protests were referred to tea parties as some protesters literally distributed tea bags and dumped millions of bags into waterways. Interestingly enough, America experienced a semblance of bipartisanship for the first time in a long time when citizens from all walks of life and philosophy joined together to express their outrage at the tactics implemented by the Obama administration in its first 100 days. I don’t know that a president has ever been protested in such fashion, let alone within the first 100 days of the presidency.
President Obama campaigned on no new taxes for Americans making under $250,000 per year. To date working Americans have received an average federal income tax cut equivalent to $11 per week. That’s $572 per year America, you’re welcome! At the same time Obama has enacted legislation such as the Children’s Health Bill which has added significant taxes (in some areas up to 40%) to tobacco, a product largely used by the lower class. An interesting side note, at the same time Obama is working to remove many of the regulations on third term and partial birth abortions. What is the message here?
So while we ignorant, greedy Americans are raking in our extra $572 a year; poor altruistic Wall Street has already received in excess of $1 TRILLION dollars-with hundreds of billions to come. GM and Chrysler have been awarded tens of BILLIONS so we can avoid catastrophic collapse of all American jobs and our entire economy. Keeping that in mind, consider the following. Since May 2008, the US has seen 5.5 MILLION jobs lost-3 MILLION jobs lost since October 2008 (per US Bureau of Labor.) GM is cutting 3-5 lines, closing 14 plants by 2011. Sounds like jobs are being created there. AIG has received upwards of $170 BILLION and has created no new jobs, but rather is planning to eliminate multiple major global portfolios just to achieve break even. To add insult to injury consider the $410,000 executive retreat taken weeks after AIG received its first installment of TARP funds, and the $1 BILLION worth of retention bonuses paid. Actually you can read that over $55 BILLION of this money went to pay debts to other major banks which also received federal monies to include; Merrill Lynch ($6.8B), Citigroup ($2.3B), Goldman Sachs ($12.9B), and Bank of America ($5.2B.) Subsequently, all of these institutions have posted positive first quarter earnings, except AIG which still holds a real potential of failure. A question that should be asked here is, when these bailed-out banks do turn a profit, who gets the dividends?
All of this money passed out in the spirit of job creation and recovery yet 500,000 new Americans lose jobs each month. What good is an $11 income tax cut if you have no income? There’s an old saying that says when you find yourself in a hole, the first thing you do is stop digging. President Obama has proposed the largest spending package in history. So much so, that Obama’s four year budget delegates more government spending than America has spent in its entire history combined. Let me restate that, in the next four years, President Obama’s budget proposes more spending than the cumulative spending throughout US history.
The primary reason so many Americans are upset is the potential effects the decisions of the current administration are making. While the Bush administration could have done a better job in a lot of ways, as a nation we won’t move forward by bashing President Bush. The point is to reflect on the past decades and understand the potential that irrational spending can have. There are two figures of debt that are very important to understand; the annual spending deficit and the national debt. The deficit is the money spent by the federal government beyond that brought in by federal revenues. Between 2000 and 2008, America has gone from an $86 BILLION surplus to a $642 BILLION deficit. The point to be made is that from 2009 to 2011 the deficit is proposed to be between $1.1TRILLION and $1.6 TRILLION; between 2012 and 2014, $931-991 BILLION, then back over $1 TRILLION each year through 2019. Simply put, we are about to implement the Bush spending plan on steroids.
The bigger concern, directly connected to the deficit we run, is the pile of debt that is accumulating as a result of our government overspending on an annual basis. Players in Washington are addressing short term interests at the cost of our long term livelihood. As of today, the national debt, or the money owed by any level of government; either central government, federal government, municipal or local governments is $11.2 TRILLION ($6.869 TRILLION of which is public debt,) and currently increases at an average of $3.84 BILLION PER DAY. Consider this, that breaks down to $37,000 per citizen, and that’s not per taxpayer-that includes every estimated living American (306 MILLION.) Obama's budget predicts that the national debt will grow by $2.7 TRILLION to $14 TRILLION in 2009 and in 2013 will stand at $17.1 TRILLION–very close to the size of the entire economy as measured by the projected Gross Domestic Product ($17.4 TRILLION.) Taxpayers will be paying hundreds of billions in interest alone on the debt each year. Over the last six months the interest payment alone on our national debt has averaged $28 MILLION PER MONTH. Obama’s budget projects that the national debt will be $23.1 TRILLION in 2019. Generically, Obama’s budget proposes $1 TRILLION of new entitlements, $1.4 TRILLION in new taxes and $5 TRILLION in new debt. You can review the 2010 budget and all budgets back to 1996 at http://www.gpoaccess.gov/usbudget/browse.html.
There’s no political agenda behind this, I have no personal issues with President Obama. We are at a dire crossroads, and continued negligence can not be accepted. The President needs to look at the people he is surrounding himself with and consider their personal records, backgrounds, and agendas. Normal Americans are afraid to spend their money and even more so, to take those entrepreneurial ventures that made this country great. No amount of government spending will restore this confidence, but what if you let the tax paying Americans do it themselves; you restore confidence and you allow hard working citizens eliminate free riders at the same time. Take the BILLIONS and give it to the tax payers with the requirement that all outstanding debt is paid first. You create government jobs to regulate the program, the creditors that are hurting and overextended get paid, Americans with monies left buy cars, second houses, establish college funds, and purchase health and life insurance. Americans with money in their pockets fund and direct the future markets that will lead to career redirection and the reemergence of a prosperous nation. Oh and I did say tax paying Americans; if you do not have a tax return on file from the previous year, you are not included.




Resources:

http://www.cbo.gov/

http://www.bea.gov/

http://www.whitehouse.gov/

http://www.gpo.gov/